My earlier story was about Emily Magarian (and others) intentionally and sadistically neglecting my dogs then leaving them to die. And about the piece of shit District Attorney who refuses to prosecute any cases of animal neglect thereby supporting it and making it legal. In the aftermath of that story Emily made up a lot of accusations about me, but thankfully she didn’t deny starving the dogs and leaving them without making sure someone else would take care of them. She made the accusation that I abandoned the dogs. I was in jail, that’s not abandonment. She made the accusation that I tried to kill myself which was in fact true but just goes to show how horrible of a person she is to try to use a suicide attempt against someone and insinuate that they deserve to have their dogs starved nearly to death and left for dead because of it.
But she made one accusation that was not unique nor new. She said that I made up having cancer. This was a common myth before I got arrested but was further exemplified in the government’s ruthless prosecution of me. Indeed, the entire case was merely a pitiful attempt to destroy my name and it wasn’t surprising that they would have used this as a means to do it. It’s also not surprising that their main focus throughout the prosecution was the cancer which had no relevance to the case itself nor the charges. At least not at the time when they were still saying they believed my attempt to possess the radioactive materials was to use on someone else, an accusation which was solidly disproven. One would think any logical person would take their words with a grain of salt but some people did not. For those who have come to me for an explanation based off what they heard I thank you. For those who have not, fuck you. But I believe the explanation is important just to showcase how vicious this prosecution was and how federal defendants can be unjustly pushed in a corner to the point that they even, unfortunately, add to the narrative even if not in concrete ways.
Let me first start out by prefacing what happened here. In October of 2018 I was in a deep state of depression. One of the many reasons for this was that the cancer which had been treated overseas for several years as part of a research study went into remission. After further reflection in the next 16 months in jail I realized just how crippling survivors guilt can be especially when combined with untreated clinical depression. It created the perfect storm and I was done with life. In March of 2018, I had a conversation with a guy (probably FBI) who basically sold me on Polonium 210, a radioactive poison that is not dangerous whatsoever unless ingested or inhaled unlike other radioactive substances like Uranium or Plutonium which can be used to make nuclear bombs. You cannot make a nuclear bomb off of Polonium. In fact a single sheet of paper is enough to entirely shield its weak radiation. I explain this because much of the effectiveness of my case was based on the general public misunderstanding exactly what I attempted to posses. It was a single lethal dose (microscopic speck) inside a vial of water which would have posed no danger to anyone else, and this is scientific fact, if used in the way I intended, to kill myself. To reiterate this science here is a link from the CDC about Polonium 210 that clearly states it must be ingested, inhaled, or injected to pose any danger. The gentleman I was speaking with gives me a link where I can find a dose of it, conveniently being sold by the FBI. Also conveniently on a site nobody would have gone to at the time unless they got the link.
After getting the link I send some messages to the seller. I was contemplating suicide back in March but at first wanted to make it look like the government killed me. But I never followed through because although the depression was severe the survivors guilt had not been an element yet. Between March and October there are a wide number of messages back and forth with the seller, some in which I even go into first person as the “target” which should have signaled any logical person that this stuff was for myself. But throughout the messages are assurances of how safe the Polonium is for anyone who does not ingest it and I even go into questioning in that regard. In fact any logical person who reads the message would conclude that the poison was most certainly for myself and that I took great care to ensure no one else could get hurt by this. In fact if you want to read the entirety of the messages back and forth they are all conveniently located in this brief here. The brief is long but the messages start in the first pages. After ordering the radioactive poison I took a wide number of steps on the backend to ensure that my death could be used to further social justice and get people to follow in my activism footsteps. Then on October 24, 2018 I was arrested by the FBI after picking up the package and while attempting to purchase my size 16 shoes at the only place around one can purchase my size shoes, The Shoe Box in Black Earth.
What followed was a 16 month prosecution, the first time ever the Federal Government charged someone under 18 USC 2332i – Acts of Nuclear Terrorism. That’s right I became the first ever alleged nuclear terrorist to be prosecuted in federal court. If this doesn’t seem absurd enough it only gets crazier. I will admit that during the interrogation I told the FBI agents that I still had cancer. I can say this because the plea bargain I eventually took not to nuclear terrorism but to a non terrorism charge in the same chapter as moving fireworks across state lines, I was given immunity from other crimes, a condition that is in every federal plea. The immunity was not as a result of giving them information which some people have said, it is a standard condition in federal pleas. So I can admit to the Obstruction charge. I did lie to the FBI agents when I said that I still had cancer. But I didn’t do this maliciously. I did this because I thought that maybe I would be treated with compassion when it came to jail health care. I failed on all counts in that one. If anything I got worse care than the average inmate. Although in a jail where the Sheriff has no oversight and the Sergeants and Lieutenants auto deny grievances because no one above them pays attention to anything they do, perhaps my horrible level of care was the standard.
The first thing the government did was challenge my competency. The absurdity of questioning my competency was something my attorneys tried to point out. They even went as far as to reiterate that they are officers of the court and if I were actually not competent and they lied to the court they could be disbarred. Competency is a very low bar. And while they did note I am quite eccentric I am way beyond competent. Nonetheless the government said I was delusional about having cancer. In all the records they had gone through they said they found no notation of the cancer. But that is what happens when you decide to undergo overseas research. You give up certain things due to the confidentiality involved. If one were to accept that overseas research involves confidentiality then one would then not find it to be such a stretch. There was one record that had the earlier rounds of cancer but more on that later. The government also went on to cite that I once faked a knee surgery and that my heart condition was fake. All of these assertions were taken out of context. When I was a kid it was determined at one point that I was a victim of Munchausen by Proxy. And every record they pulled up (the fake knee surgery and the heart condition being fake) were accusations made by my biological mother during a psychiatric admission to the hospital (more on that later too). The government deceptively failed to add that the records that stated those things weren’t the doctor saying those things they were the doctor saying my mother said those things not that those things actually happened. There is a major difference. Nonetheless the judge approved the competency going so far as to even say he doesn’t doubt I’m competent simply that he would hate to get further along in proceedings and have it questioned. More on all the competency stuff and the rarity of the government pushing for competency when the defense opposes it here. You can also see there where the only news coverage regarding the cancer potentially being fake was in regards to the government making that claim not it being proven in court. The government also made a lot of other wild claims like that the radioactive material was for someone else which they later had to walk back. In the end two psychiatric professionals found me competent but it took me an extra 6 months and put everything on hold that 6 months.
But the government didn’t stop there. In nearly every motion and every hearing that followed the government clung to this notion that my cancer struggles were fake. The problem was that while there may have been a process to verify at least some of the experimental treatment there certainly isn’t without me having communication. And the government knew this. They knew I lied to the FBI about having it at the time of the arrest. And they knew that the only way to verify having had it was for me to get out. So if they could keep me in custody they could continue to perpetuate this attack. And perpetuate it they did. They made the entire case about whether or not I had cancer not whether or not I was a nuclear terrorist, an assertion they realized was far too false for even them to continue to perpetuate. The insinuation was that I lied about having cancer to gain sympathy from the judge or jury. But in order for that to be true I would have had to have been planning this (and the subsequent prosecution) for several years as there are references to my cancer going back at least 6 years. So, I lied about having cancer off and on for many years just so that years later I would illicit sympathy when I tried to order a radioactive material I didn’t even know existed until 2018. Bizarre right? Nearly every motion that followed had far more mention of the cancer than anything related to the charges. That’s because they had no evidence to back up me trying to kill someone else with the poison or me really posing a danger at all. Judge Peterson rubber stamped their motions because he didn’t have the balls to actually release me. He was afraid if I got out and got in trouble he would look bad. So he flagrantly disregarded the Bail Reform Act and pocket vetoed bond motions for months because he didn’t want to make the tough but legally and ethically sound decision and let me out. You aren’t supposed to spend 16 months without bond if theres any chance you’ll get time served if convicted. I think part of it may have been they also played him. They knew by attacking the cancer and making me look like a fraud it would strike a chord with anyone who has known someone with cancer, a very emotional chord, and that fits most people in this country. The brilliance of the deceptive plan to destroy my name was only beat by the brutality of it.
But the government knew something else. They knew back in 2012 this exact same thing came up and the cancer was called into question in a way that threatened my freedom. In 2012 much like 2018 the cancer had gone into remission. And much like it I suffered from survivors guilt and horrible depression. And much like it I came up with a plan to take my life. It took 2018 for me to really come to terms with what happened in 2012. But in 2012 I told everyone I was dying. I said it was a lung issue and didn’t offer too much elaboration. Meanwhile I overdosed on a wide range of pills over an extended period of time. Some people said that I scammed people pretending to be dying but I actually was dying. And I would have succeeded had it not been for the right people being around at the right time and medical intervention that at times the ICU said I wouldn’t make it or if I did would be brain dead. What followed was a Chapter 51 commitment. For those who don’t know what that means it is a way for a judge to order you to involuntary mental health care generally first in an inpatient hospital (for me it was Saint Mary’s) then continuing care. You have no choice and cannot turn it down. During the Chapter 51 commitment was when my mom said that the heart condition was fake and that I faked a knee surgery and the records reflected that she said that. She also said I never had cancer. During my first battle with cancer my family rather than be supportive said “prove it”. And me being who I am said fuck you if you’re not being supportive you don’t deserve shit. They offered to go to the treatments but never once offered to see me during the after effects. So I closed them out because that isn’t support and I did the battle on my own. The knee surgery and heart condition accusations were easy to prove as lies through other records. After all there was a record of the knee surgery (that was done at UW) and the heart condition had been diagnosed at Mayo Clinic. Nonetheless until those records came through the Saint Mary’s doctor jeopardized my safety by giving me a medication that directly interacts with my heart condition. Thankfully it was stopped once the records came through.
But the accusation was made by my mother that I also faked cancer. And much like this situation I had to be out to clear that up. My continuing care was at Journey Mental Health and I knew that once that was cleared up my Chapter 51 commitment would likely be short (it was only 6 months). So I went through the process of trying to get some verification which is only done in extraordinary circumstances and certain ways. So there was a Journey Mental Health record that notated that I had a history of 3 rounds of Malignant Fibrous Histiocytoma in my knee and was currently in remission. So the government had indication from that record that it could potentially be verified again if I were to get out and that was the last thing they wanted. My attorneys however notated that record several months later when I found it in my own discovery (something someone who wasn’t competent couldn’t do) and a link to that motion including that is here. Remember that if my lawyers lied in a brief they could be disbarred. As officers of the court when they say the record is there its there. Also keep in mind that the situation validates the record. First off it was the only time my freedom was potentially directly tied to being able to prove the cancer. It was the only time that verification was necessary. But also keep in mind that Journey Mental Health would be the last people to lie in their records or not hold it up to absolute scrutiny. Considering, if I was delusional about the cancer as the government claimed, I would have been on Chapter 51 longer and they absolutely would not have validated that by putting it in the records. It was partly due to being able to prove it that my Chapter 51 ended shortly after but they don’t make those decisions for inconclusive reasons. The government knew the timing of that record and the nature of it meant, unequivocally, that the cancer treatment could be verified, or at least had been in the past, so long as I was able to get out.
But it went further. At one point my side, the defense, put up an expert that called it into question. And I feel that should be explained as well. In the beginning I was under the impression that any explanation at all would suffice and the judge should let me out. My attorneys hired Dr. Spier, a very good and well respected psychologist to come evaluate me for 4 hours and review my medical records. In December Dr. Spier after spending just a few hours with me said he thought that I had Munchausen Syndrome. He said this was a preliminary opinion and not a diagnosis but that he didn’t feel I still had cancer. He referenced Facebook posts with IVs and he referenced an office building my car was at with a dermatologists office in it. He said that people with Munchausens will create fictitional disorders in order to draw attention to themselves. I knew that his opinion could be easily disproven but I allowed him to go on the stand because I thought the judge would let me out on bond and just require mental health treatment. He didn’t. And that preliminary opinion based off just four hours was the last Dr. Spier said on record other than to say I was competent. He never said he was certain that was going on and even said he would need to meet with me more in order to make a final diagnosis. But the government, and in some motions my lawyers, ran with it. Although my attorneys did back down from it later on once it was pretty solidly disproven.
Fast forward to sentencing, the end of the line. By the time sentencing came around I had entirely disproven Dr. Spiers initial assessment. I pointed out that I never said in the Facebook posts that the anaesthesia was related to the cancer and even showed medical records from the dates of those posts to prove that I actually underwent procedures under anaesthesia I didn’t just insert an IV in my arm for the pictures. By then the government had requested records from the dermatologists office and figured out that I wasn’t a patient there. And perhaps most damning was that anyone they talked to said that I didn’t really draw much attention to the cancer. In fact it was easy for people who knew me to forget I had it. I would go as far as to not ask people for assistance and no one could think of a single time I asked them for anything related to the cancer outside of maybe company while I recovered from treatments, something that those who did offer would go so far as to say I was in a state that you couldn’t fake. The fact was it didn’t make sense and no official diagnosis was ever made. And just to prove this point I have attached the official court transcript of my sentencing where as you will see on page 56 my attorney notates on record (he could be disbarred if he lied) that it was never an official diagnosis and merely a preliminary opinion. And the judge adds it to the official record. The rest of the transcript is pretty good too.
I really shouldn’t have to even post this article. I shouldn’t have had to back myself in a corner. I shouldn’t have been held for 16 months while accusations were made against me that I could only fight if I was out. But that’s what happened. And I ask people to look at this logically. If the government had any credibility whatsoever why were they charging me with nuclear terrorism when the case clearly wasn’t? Nuclear terrorists don’t get to plead to non terrorism charges for time served. And why would the government make a nuclear terrorism case about whether or not I had cancer which had nothing to do with whether or not I was trying to kill someone? And when you ask yourself these questions you will see that the government’s accusations lack credibility. And the senseless and heartless act of attacking a brutal battle in someone’s life was just another ploy to try to discredit me. Clearly this case was never about protecting the public. And so I come out and explain it all to push back against this senseless attack. And the heartless bastards in Madison still going around parroting the silly accusation. And the pieces of shit that have decided to have beef with me or excuse the sadistic torture of my dogs based off such a weak attack. And I thank those who actually did come up to me and ask me about it when I got out and allowed me to explain. And I thank those who actually showed up after treatments for to them no explanation was needed. Hopefully this post with both the explanation and the official court documents to back it up can finally put this silly accusation to rest.
Jeremy MotherFucking Ryan 